I really enjoyed critiquing a total stranger's series honoring their TOP 20 Saddest Movie Scenes in the world ever. Removing dramatic acting from its original context is awkward, abrupt, and ultimately HILARIOUS! That's why actors always look so uncomfortable while watching their own Oscar clips, and why a 6-second clip from Nell is the funniest thing you will see today!
TOP 20 Saddest Movies Scenes, Part 1
20. City of Angels-the scene where Meg Ryan crosses over.
Never saw this movie. It came out the same year I developed a sense of aesthetic taste. But I attended a number of school dances where they closed the night with that Goo-Goo Dolls song from the soundtrack. Want to see a person who never learned about shame sing it to her internet friends? Here you go! Is it mean of me to hope this girl's life is lamer than mine? I really want to believe that obsessive, verbose people who make fun of everyone are happier than conventionally pretty morons. But I'm probably wrong about that.
19. Homeward Bound-the scene where the wizened golden retriever dies in a mud puddle.
This scene makes me laugh! It's dogs speaking to each other in voice-over and occasionally furrowing their dog eyebrows! I kept waiting for the Siamese cat to speak in Sally Field's voice, but no dice!
18. Mickey's Christmas Carol-the scene where Uncle Scrooge sees some sad shit in the Cemetery of the Future.
Whatever. I thought this movie blew when I was 6. NEXT!
17. Cocoon-the scene where Jessica Tandy dies from eating poisonous fried green tomatoes.
So sad! And Kathy Bates' character was just about to get all empowered and re-model her house!
16. Grumpier Old Men-the scene where Jack Lemmon's dad dies.
This looks like a commercial for Werther's Originals and life insurance. Is that ageist of me?
15. All Dogs Go to Heaven-the scene where a dog goes to heaven.
Why do the dog and the girl child both have such glassy, reflective eyes?
14. I Am Legend-the scene where Will Smith does his Crying Voice.
God, this guy wants an Oscar so bad. Can we just retroactively reward him for his performance in that movie where he plays a poor person with retro hair and get this show on the road? Please?
13. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids-the scene where the kindly ant dies.
Last time I watched this movie, I actually did cry when their ant friend died. But only cuz I'd just used a vaporizer for the first time and was too high to remember I was watching a Rick Moranis movie.
12. Short Circuit 2-the scene where Johnny 5 is lost in the city with his robo bod in a state of serious disarray.
Holy shit, is that Michael McKean? Michael McKean, what are you doing here? Do you need some help? You look kind of desperate and frantic.
11. The Outsiders-the scene where Ralph Macchio dies from gettin' all burned up.
This scene does nothing for me. Fuck you, Matt Dillon! And fuck you, Washington state public schools, for making me watch this potentially boss movie so many times in Language Arts class that all I feel is resentment!
TOP 20 Saddest Movie Scenes, Part 2
10. Neverending Story 2-the scene where a talking bird sees Jonathan Brandis' memories of his dead mother.
I'm sorry, Brandis (R.I.P.), but the scene in the first Neverending Story where Artax sinks in the Swamp of Sadness is infinitely more upsetting than this manipulative soft-focus malarkey. Shit, I haven't watched that scene all the way through since 2nd grade. I just feel so bad for young Chan Marshall losing her horsey pal!
9. Lassie-the scene where Lassie has to cannibalize her puppies to save the family farm.
This scene actually doesn't bother me that much. I had pet hamsters (peach ones!) when I was little and they did way more fucked up shit than this all the time.
8. Click-the scene where Adam Sandler dies? In the rain?
Oh, is this Adam Sandler's Truman Show
or something? It's a comedy with PATHOS! Holy guacamole!
7. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles-the scene where John Candy reveals he is homeless.
Does your dad love this movie? My dad loves this movie. All dads love this movie. If you claim your dad does not love this movie, you might want to reconsider how well you know your dad.
6. Rocky III-the scene where a well-liked old man dies.
I never got into the Rocky movies. Was this his coach or something? Also, if anyone out there can do me a kindness and transcribe Sylvester Stallone's dialogue in this scene for me, I'd really 'ppreciate it. I can't understand a word!
5. My Girl-the scene where Anna Chlumsky has a histrionic hissy fit at Macauly Culkin's funeral.
What ever happened to Mlle Chlumsky?
4. Edward Scissorhands-the scene where Vincent Price drops dead the moment he presents Edward with his proper hands.
Forget PROPER HANDS! Bring on the PENIS HANDS!
3. Radio-the scene where Ed Harris has diminutive muttonchops? And Cuba Gooding Jr. might be playing a mentally challenged adult?
I got nothing, friends.
2. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King-the scene where Frodo ditches his fellow hobbits to go on a cruise.
My friend Ingrid always laughs during the LOTR movies when they have to employ actual little people for certain shots. She thinks they're all wearing wigs since they're only filmed from behind. Being aware of a wig is always funny!
1. Forrest Gump-the Oscar clip.
This same friend wrote in her 7th grade diary the following review of Forrest Gump:
"I watched Forrest Gump last night. I thought I was going to cry, but then I didn't".
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