I first saw this classic piece during christmas break in 7th grade. My family rented it along with Meatballs for a "summer camp night" in our living room, an effort on my ma's part to be more deliberate about family time.
After a cursory glance at the VHS box, I wasn't too stoked about Little Darlings. I didn't recognize either of the girls and, unlike Meatballs, the cover art didn't hint at the AWESOME SHIT contained within. Also, I was heavy into a Young Adult novel about vampires in love and wanted to go have some nebulous Sexy Thoughts about it on my futon once Meatballs was over.
Then I remembered what happened last time I took a chance on an unfamiliar movie at my mom's recommendation: I saw Aidan Quinn and Daryl Hannah have incredibly graphic sex in a high school boiler room! He even takes a whiff of her underpants after they do it!
So with that in mind, I settled in for a pivotal viewing experience that would inform my taste in movies, hair styles, outfits, dudes, and Lifestyle Choices well into my early adulthood. I still can't go two months without at least having this movie play in the background while I clean the apartment.
As the poster's tag line suggests, Little Darlings chronicles the quest of two nubile teenage girls, played by Tatum O'Neal and Kristy McNichol, to bust their respective maidenheads for a cash prize ($100!).
Tate plays Ferris Whitney, who we can tell is cultured, educated and wealthy because
(1) she is shown boarding a town car in front of a house with Grecian-style columns during the opening credits,
(2) she owns a white linen pantsuit with a matching cap,
(3) she speaks French! This comes in handy later in the movie, when she attempts to woo an older, similarly cultured man.
Kristy Mc plays Angel Bright, who has the exact same hair color as Ferris. But the similarity ends there...or does it? It does. Angel (don't let da name fool ya!) is poor, uncultured, and Street Smart. We know this because she boasts of learning to hold her own in physical brawls at Madison Square Garden, hotwires a fucking school bus, doesn't know what the hell the bookish girl is talking about when she starts quoting Ophelia, and rebuffs smarmy sexual advances with violence.
Oh, and her mom is young and sexy, smokes Virginia Slims, and wears halter dresses without a bra. TYPICAL POOR PERSON.
The bet is instigated by bitch-faced Cinder, who claims to have lost her virginity when she was 13.
She once appeared as "the Before girl in the Tidy Tangles Cream Rinse commercial" and offers her residual check ($100!) to the first girl who knocks boots for real.
Ferris begins to pursue swarthy camp counselor Gary Callahan, played by a pre-EFL (Egregious Face Lift) Armand Assante. I can understand that. Armand looks wicked hot in this movie, even though his neck is rather thick and in certain scenes appears to be several shades lighter than his face.
That being said, he's like 32, Ferris! And you're an 8th grader! What the fuck do you think is going to happen?! Nothing, unless he's an amoral pervert! Jesus Christ, why are we even discussing this?!
Angel has a much more practical approach: flirt with Randy the barely-not-retarded guy from the boys' camp across the lake and ply him with purloined cans of Budweiser! Good thinkin', Angel! Sadly, the barely-not-retarded guy is played by one of my least favorite actors of all time, Matt Dillon.
Here he is playing around with some nunchucks (and dressing to the right. Left is for gays and witches, I hear).
God, he is just awful. His Kool Aid-stained lips, his pigeon chest, his extraordinarily poor elocution...Angel, this guy is a total zero. Remember when he referred to his brain as "up there"? That's never a good sign. I understand his usefulness in the context of this competition (easy lay, real horny and hard up) but I urge you to steer clear of this type when you start looking for a domestic partner.
In the end, Ferris fails to bed Gary but lies and tells the other girls she did in a most naive and bullshitty fashion ("He compared us to Romeo and Juliet", "the darkness enveloped us", etc) and Angel unceremoniously loses it to Randy on a BED OF HAY in a dank boathouse but lies and tells the other girls she didn't because she is so deeply ashamed. Of course.
Soon thereafter, Ferris and Angel both find themselves sulking on tire swings.
They tearfully confide their respective lies to each other and become best friends. THE END!
But first feast your eyes on this, the scene leading up to Angel's EVENTUAL, SHAMEFUL, ACTUAL, FACTUAL deflowering:
I've taken the time to transcribe this for y'all so you can act it out with a friend. YOU'RE WELCOME!
"You're shivering."
"...Randy?"
"Yeah?"
"I feel funny. I'm trembling."
"Y' scared?"
"A little."
"Me too."
"How come?"
"I dunno...I thought a lot about you this week."
"Me too. When I first met you, I...I thought you seemed like a nice person."
"You know...your hair's so soft. It's funny, you talk real rough...but then your skin and everything's so soft."
"Is that okay?"
"Are you kidding? That's fantastic! I can talk to you like a guy, but you're real...you're..."
[They kiss]
"That was nice."
"Yeah, I been around a little. Some guys like to rush a girl, but not me."
"So have you been here before? I mean, before us?"
"Yeah, you know...sometimes I come out here to think. Doesn't look like anything's going on in my head, huh? There's a lot going on up there!"
"Have you thought about me here?"
"Yeah...I was hoping we'd get together. I haven't been with anybody since I got to know you."
"...don't laugh...I wanna, I wanna...if...right now...do you...do you care about me a little?"
"Yeah..."
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